Amour

A film can have significantly different effects on people when viewed at different times in their lives. What was once slow and plodding can suddenly be riveting and emotional, even numbingly painful at times. I have experienced this phenomenon on more than one occasion since I began this website and revisited literally hundreds of films that I watched initially just because they were on that year’s ballot for the Academy Awards. One such film was 2012’s Amour, a movie that I watched nearly fifteen years ago, hastily wrote it off as dry and plodding, and never went back to. I knew it was going to come up for this website someday and I dreaded it, remembering all those times I was checking the clock and only seeing a few minutes had gone by. When cataloging my films on Letterboxd, I hastily gave it a low rating and moved on, trying to forget that experience. 

Last night I had a very different experience, one that I can only say really affected me in ways I had not anticipated. Some of it is being fifty rather than thirty-five years old, of course. That age difference really changes a person’s perspective on life. Part of it is having a wife that I have now shared nearly thirty years with. Part of it is watching the film while that wife, the love of my life, sat next to me. And part of it has to do with my own frailties, my aches and pains that have crept up on me the older I get, becoming an ever-present part of my day-to-day existence, a reminder that I am getting on in years. These things, and many more, have given me a more realistic outlook into what the next 25-30 years might be like for me and my wife. Watching Amour with those things on my mind shaped this film in a way it would have never been able to when I was a younger man. In short, it spoke to my very soul and became a very different film than the one I saw in 2012.

The film tells you right from the start where it is going to end. We get a brief scene right up front where emergency services in Paris break into an apartment after some of the residents complain of a smell coming from inside. Once in, they find an elderly woman’s corpse in the bedroom, dressed nicely and adorned with cut flowers. For the next two hours, we will learn exactly how she got there and what it all means. 

Several months before this opening scene, Anne Laurent (Emmanuelle Riva) and her husband Georges (Jean-Louis Trintignant), retired piano teachers in their eighties, return home after attending a performance from one of Anne’s former pupils, Alexandre (Alexandre Tharaud). The following morning, while having breakfast, Anne silently has a stroke, sitting motionless in a catatonic state for several minutes. As Georges is preparing to get help, she comes around again, unaware of anything being wrong. He tries to get her to seek medical attention, but she refuses until she finds that she is unable to pour herself a drink. 

She undergoes surgery to remove a blockage in her carotid artery, but the surgery goes wrong, leaving her paralyzed on her right side and confined to a wheelchair. Georges promises not to put her in a nursing home or send her back to the hospital but determines to take care of her himself. She seems to be more lively when Alexandre stops by, giving Georges hope that she may be recovering, but this is soon dashed when she has a second stroke, leaving her demented. Georges soon after hires a nurse to help take care of her three days a week. Meanwhile, Eva (Isabelle Huppert), their grown daughter, wants to put Anne into full-time care, but Georges will not break his promise to Anne. As time goes on, Anne’s condition debilitates, and Georges’ ability to take care of her lessens. 

It is virtually impossible for anyone in a long-term relationship to watch a film like this and not see themselves in the future, dealing with these kinds of troubles. We would like to think that we will grow old together and then, sometime in our twilight years, we’ll go to bed holding each other and both slip away peacefully in our sleep. It’s a nice thought and an ideal situation that, quite frankly, rarely happens. The picture Amour paints is a much more realistic portrait of the realities people face when they grow old together. At some point, one of them will likely have a serious illness or an accident, and the other will have to become a caregiver of sorts. It’s tough, but it’s part of the package when you commit to being with someone for the rest of your lives. 

We take things like this for granted when we are young, as I did when I first saw this movie. Michael Haneke, who wrote and directed this film, often examines social issues and deep feelings of estrangement, loneliness, and how our modern society reacts to those outside of it. He has a deft ear for the kinds of conversations two people who are used to each other have, conversations that are straightforward and not trying to hide anything. There are sharp words that reflect frustration, even anger, yet are not intended to intentionally cut. These mini-squabbles come from familiarity and a deep understanding of each other. They are very different from the kinds of conversations had between two people who are getting to know the person they just married. 

Caring for a person who is suffering from a debilitating condition is very taxing on the body and soul of a person, too. This is even more difficult when you yourself are not young anymore. We see several times Georges helping Anne get out of bed, to walk a little, or get her cleaned up when she is incontinent. We see how tired he is and how limited he is in his own motions and wonder what would happen to these two were he to injure himself while trying to care for her. We also see him lose his patience with her, even slapping her once when he cannot get her to cooperate with him. This comes shortly after he has just fired the nurse for not caring for Anne properly and he is immediately taken aback by his actions, apologizing to her with deep remorse.

Within the last year, I have lost both of my remaining grandparents. This experience has left me particularly susceptible to emotional manipulation along this line. I saw my grandfather emotionally distraught when his wife of more than seventy years was taken from him and he was truly alone for the first time in many decades. A few months later, he, too, was gone. Both lived into their nineties, and their love for each other was undeniable. In comparison, my wife and I have barely scratched the surface at twenty-eight years together. In all likelihood, we will still be together for another thirty years or more if our health holds out that long. I can only hope that that is the case.

This film doesn’t end the way you’d think that it would. However, despite it being telegraphed, the final moments still catch you off guard and may be too much for some viewers. I will not spoil it here, but it comes quickly and ends just as abruptly. This is not the kind of film that is going to end on a happy note. Indeed, it would be a great disservice to the movie for it to do so. This is not a film meant to be entertaining but one that is intended to be thought-provoking and promote deep discussions afterwards. I can imagine viewers walking out of theaters after having seen this, silently returning to their cars and driving home, only later engaging in conversations with their partners about what they just experienced. It’s harrowing, but it invites discussions after some time to digest it. 

This is perhaps the biggest shift in perspective I have ever had between two separate viewings of the same film. I actively disliked it when I saw it in 2012. Now I see it as a masterpiece in the kind of love that exists between two people after many years together. It’s truly a powerful thing that can drive us to stay by someone when they are at their most vulnerable. We are a selfish race in general, but love can push past that. This is a romantic tragedy of the sort that far succeeds anything in the vapid romantic comedy genre. It does so with a gritty realism, a pacing that is glacially slow yet compelling and honest, and a pair of actors that are so good together you would believe they were a real couple. 

Academy Award Nominations:

Best Picture: Margaret Ménégoz, Stefan Arndt, Veit Heiduschka, and Michael Katz

Best Director: Michael Haneke

Best Actress: Emmanuelle Riva

Best Original Screenplay: Michael Haneke

Best Foreign Language Film: Austria (won)

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Release Date: October 24, 2012

Running Time: 127 minutes

Rated PG-13

Starring: Jean-Louis Trintignant, Emmanuelle Riva, and Isabelle Huppert

Directed by: Michael Haneke